Forgiveness

Let’s face it, holding on to grudges and hard feelings is exhausting and painful. We all know that. It’s a long and lonely road to walk when you carry a backpack of emotional pain with you everywhere. But how do we let go of something that hurts so much. It’s almost like the pain of a sliver under your skin. No matter how hard you try to get it out, it only burrows deeper.

Forgiveness has been like a sliver under my skin. I have an abundance of people in my life that I could be angry with and feel resentment toward. But in reality it drains my positive energy to feel those feelings. And the worst case scenario is that pent up anger and resentment can lead to physical illness (we will talk about that in the Wellness chapter).

What do you do to get rid of these feelings and find peace with what was surely a very hurtful person or situation?

The first thing is to realize that forgiveness does not always come quickly or easily. Sometimes it’s a transformation of those emotions that eventually gets you to a place where the memory or person no longer triggers emotional pain. Last week we talked about the scale of consciousness and when you feel an emotion below 200 to reach for the next best feeling emotion you can get yourself to. With forgiveness, I suggest reaching for acceptance first.

Part of this process is realizing that even though you have been hurt and even though you have felt betrayed, that is not what defines you. It is one small lesson in a vast universe of lessons. Accepting the hurtful person or situation is the first step toward actual forgiveness and letting go. You don’t have to like a person that harmed you but you can accept who they were and who you were at the time. I am sure that you both did the best you could with the knowledge and energy resources that you had at the time. As the saying goes-when we know better, we do better.

Allow your mind to say “OK it happened, I was hurt. I accept that this happened to me. I accept that that other person did what they did. It’s over now. I can move on.”

When we look for a little perspective, we realize that there are more good people in our lives than bad ones.

So here’s the exercise.

Take a piece of paper. On one side write the names of the people that have harmed you or rejected you in your life. Don’t get invested in the memories or the feelings of rejection, just write their name. Then turn the paper over and write down the names of the people that have been kind to you, loved you and accepted you for who you are. It really doesn’t matter which list is longer. We tend to hold onto hurt more than love so it wouldn’t be surprising if the list of hurts is longer. It might just mean that you have learned a great many lessons about life (because people are our teachers).

The vibration of love and kindness is much higher than shame or anger so it will cancel out the emotions for you. It’s a transformation of the feelings from a lower vibration to a higher one. You are asking love to step in and cancel or clear out the lower vibrations of anger and resentment.

This should be a bit of a ceremony. You don’t have to light 10 candles or burn sage but if you like to do that, go for it. I usually burn sage in a glass dish and then put the paper in. But make it somewhat meaningful. If flushing it down the toilet is meaningful then do that.

When you do it, it’s helpful to say out loud. “I forgive those who have harmed me and I thank them for the lesson. I am grateful to those that support me. We are one!”, or whatever feels comfortable for you.

Now flush or burn or rip it up. Whatever. Done.

Do this whenever you have these emotions rear up and kick you around. Have a party and do it with your friends. It can completely alter your perspective and support you moving forward.

Releasing these negative emotions helps you vibrate up to a higher vibration of love and peace and isn’t that what we really want? No one likes feeling hurt and sad, but we hold onto hurt because it feels familiar. Take the chance of letting go and find the truly familiar parts of your soul that you were meant to express. Hint- they will make you smile and your back pack will be lighter.

Dana Lynn

#forgiveness #feelings #peace